mga iniisip on a busy depressive saturday

Not that I am busy but the city itself is busy. And this kind of city busyness is giving me a depressive vibe.

Like feeling out of touch and alone despite being surrounded in a crowded busy street or in a fast food joint.

Probably I’m feeling the culmination of stress I had in months, yes we are talking about months here folks, and it’s manifesting in emotions I don’t usually deal with.

Add up the rising cost of commodities and the declining living standards in the country since the pandemic which is getting worse and worse everyday because of economic global problems caused by various factors affecting most if not all countries today.

Aggravated lang sa Pilipinas kasi ginusto nila yan eh. Damay damay nga lang tayong lahat. UNITY nga diba? Putangina.

Also, my lipat bahay mode is still not over. We are still staying with my MIL. We’ll be moving our things to the apartment by next week. Hopefully, we’ll be done setting up the place before the 18th so we can finally move there and start assimilating to our new routines aka our new life.

That I guess is the biggest stressor I have now, coupled with how to manage our family’s finances now that we are finally on our own. I won’t say it’s bad timing given the current economic situation of the country. That is beyond my control. I can only make decisions that can affect my life and I do know that if I don’t make a decision on moving out from an extended family set up, I probably would never will. I can kiss my mental health goodbye.

It’s the second day of the sun coming out after days of rainy afternoons. Yet sometimes the sunshine doesn’t equate to happy feelings. Sometimes it paves the way for real emotions to come out after being buried under mountains of other sentiments. I’m still hoping for sunny Sunday tomorrow though. Not of anything else but simply for the laundry.

I just finished making five kilograms of kimchi. Yes, I’m selling even if you’re not asking. It’s a trial as of now but it’s not the first time I’m making homemade kimchi. I’m not really sure if I’m cut out for this kind of business. I love cooking but it’s damn tiring, add up the effort and stress of marketing and selling your merchandise, hay. We have to start at something. I wouldn’t know if it will work or don’t if I won’t try diba?

I really should throw procrastination out of the window. Especially sa sitwasyon ng Pilipinas ngayon, hindi na sasapat ang kinikita sa isang trabaho. Unless one is earning 60-80k. Sadly, not everyone is earning that much and not all have the same opportunities and circumstances as everyone else.

Tulog na nga ako.