life lately

Hello. It’s been awhile.

I haven’t written anything on the blog for more than a year so pardon me if my writing is a bit rusty. I’m not sure if I still know how to write coherently. LOL.

Wondering where have I been the past year? Let’s catch up.

A year and half ago I was seriously thinking of leaving social media permanently. I was tired—of seeing, reading and ranting of the same shit over and over, the self-entitlement of real and reel influence-rs, of the fake-ness of some of the things I see, and of how some people’s online presence is affecting my personal life and sometimes judgement. When I felt how taxing social media is becoming in my life, I decided to give it a rest. I deactivated my twitter account, left IG for a while, removed the FB app on my phone and only use messenger to stay connected with family. I even thought of deleting the blog but I couldn’t let go of my first babies so I put them on private. And you know, it was the best decision I had in a while.

What made me decide to go back? I was about to leave my old job (yes, the one I had for a decade—I’ll tell more of that later) and I need to do something to fill in the free time I’ll get once I’m jobless so I decided to put the blog out in the open again, albeit with a new url (not .com, yet), username and no images of my face and family. Kind of a fresh start with anonymity but still as personal as it could get. I still don’t post anything on Facebook, except for the occasional tag from family. I’m semi-active on IG, removed my real name as well but post my face and the family sometimes—and yes, the feed is still very OC.

I left my work in CNX/CVG which I never thought would happen ever. I was with the company for 11 years, who would have thought I’d leave my comfort zone, right? When I decided to resign, my only plan was to rest for a month, move back home in Pangasinan and look for a home-based job so I can personally look out for my daughter. For years I always wanted to leave the job, yet whenever I see the bills I have to pay and the daughter’s monthly expenses, I’d rethink my decision. It’s not that I don’t have bills to pay anymore or my family’s monthly expenses to think about—they’re still there. I just felt it was time. The need to be with my daughter and personally see her grow up right before my eyes, guide and nurture her were greater than any bills and expenses out there. I’ll look for a job near home or one that would allow me to work from home. So I resigned.

My 2019 words may have something to do with my life decision[s]. My words for this year were Trust and Patience. Patience tested me for the first half of 2019. It was easier to give in to anger most of the time. The struggle was how to be patient when your patience is running thin. Trust was a different matter. It had the greatest impact in my life this year. I used to wonder what made me leave a semi-secure good paying job. Whenever I think of a reason, it would always lead me back to my words and Trust was the culprit. I’d been saying I’ll trust God’s bigger picture and where He wants me to be, yet it took time before I let go of the reigns. I finally did that this year. I trusted His plans. Resigning from my job was more of His time instead of my time. Because if I will wait for my right time, you’d probably still find me there.

It was a tough decision. I didn’t do it overnight. I had to think of it a hundred times over because I know how difficult it is to find a new job especially when life is not just about you anymore. I thought long and hard and created a road map of plans. I had stressful days thinking of what ifs and wondering if I was making a mistake. I would never really know if I won’t try, right? When I finally had the talk with my former boss, even if with a slightly shaky plan for the next 3-6 months, I knew it was the right decision.

No, I didn’t end up working at home. I had a pending application for a trainer post in an insurance company that’ll be based in the province. I got the job after a gruelling 3-month hiring process. So instead of having a a month rest, jobless, I only rested for 4 days and started immediately in my new job after I left CNX. Who am I to complain, right? A job is a job.

I have so many stories to tell but one post won’t be enough so I’ll save the rest later. I didn’t know how much I missed writing until I was doing this entry which took me weeks to write by the way. Hahaha.

It’s good to be back. Ola, blogging friends.

Published by twstrfries

twisted fries and good vibes

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